Saturday, September 24, 2016

JeruZalem, Google meets The End Times

JeruZalem....not Jerusalem.  Stick a Z in it. That's right...Z as in DEMONS. Wait, sorry...Z as in ZOMBIES. Throw in a couple of Jewish babes more interested in pre-marital sex in the Holy Land than their heritage, a hunk anthropologist, bar-hopping, and Google glasses...and we have the newest Holy Land zombie flick. So...let us take a look at why Google glasses are in reality the mark of the beast by examining 2015's "JeruZalem," directed by Doron and Yoav Paz.
Sarah, our nympho protagonist
After losing her brother in an accident, Sarah (Danielle Jadelyn) heads to Tel Aviv. Accompanying her is her BFF Rachel (Rachel Klein). Uh oh....rule number 7 in horror not deviate from original plans, is violated.  The gals meet a handsome young Indiana Jones wannabe, Kevin (Yon Tumarkin), who convinces them to accompany him to Jerusalem.  Bad timing! All goes well at first as Sarah and Kevin have pre-marital sex and lots of bar hopping ensues.  Oh yes, we see this all unfold through Sarah's new Google glasses.  Omar (Tom Graziani), a dashing Muslim joins the party, his last mistake.  As Yom Kippur approaches, so does the zombie apocalypse.
Rachel in peril
Amid unholy behavior in Jerusalem, it begins.  Demons appear in the form of dead people coming back to life.  The Israeli Defense Force, utilizing soldiers and fighter jets attempts to repel them. Now Sarah, Rachel, and Kevin are on the run trying to flee the city. Kevin foresaw this, but no one believed him. In fact, our hunk was deposited in a mental asylum for his grim prophecy. As Sarah rescues her beau from the Kosher nut house, Jerusalem seems to be falling.  No more spoilers, but get ready for the wildest Google glasses scene one could ever imagine.
Rachel in more peril
Can our trio escape the apocalypse? Is a biblical apocalypse merely an exaggerated plot device designed to warn us of the evils of pre-marital sex? Wild and ambitious, and probably not totally biblically accurate, "JeruZalem" is a lot of fun.  Filmed in Israel with stunning scenes of Jerusalem, this is a very interesting horror film (infinitely better than "World War Z" or "Left Behind") with consequences of biblical proportion.  "JeruZalem" is available on Netflix.

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Embrace of the Vampire, The Alyssa Milano Version

A few years ago this blog brought you the remake of 1995's "Embrace of the Vampire." Click on this link to see that review EMBRACE  . While the erotic remake seems to be aimed at fans of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," the original resembles a Gothic romance story with a vampire. Critics of the remake will quickly remind us that the original does have Alyssa Milano, often nude, to boast of. Fair enough. The more feminine version is directed by Anne Goursand.
Charlotte (Milano) raised by nuns, and a devout Catholic, is a virgin and always wears white.  Actually, when she wears clothes, they are white, but in this film, that is sporadic. Oh no...she just happened to remind a centuries old vampire (Martin Kemp) of his long lost love.  Our vampire was a French nobleman until three vampire nymphs had their way with him.  Lucky him, he has found his true love on a college campus in the form of a 17 year old virgin.  Now, don't ask why, our bloodsucker has three days to bite her or risks losing her forever. As the vampire begins playing with Charlotte's mind, she begins to have weird visions and seems drawn to her nemesis.
As Charlotte's hunk BF, Chris (Harrison Pruett), realizes he is losing his virginal coed, the vampire seems a sure bet to end up with her.  Leaving nothing to chance, the vampire unleashes doubt in both their minds about their love, and also Marika (Jennifer Tilly), to seduce Chris.  The vampire begins attacking Charlotte's classmates, including the trashy Eliza (Jordan Ladd).  Uh oh....Charlotte begins to explore alternate sexual norms, including a lesbian tryst with Sarah (Charlotte Lewis). With time running out, the vampire must make his move. Has Chris been sufficiently distracted?
Nudity galore, orgies, some gore, and some underage romance highlight this tale of the pursuit of pre-marital sex with Alyssa Milano.  A bit different than the remake, the original "Embrace of the Vampire" is still a nice vampire story.  Available on YouTube, treat yourself to an atmospheric, erotic horror/fantasy.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

The Throne of Fire, Swords...Magic....Sultry Princess

Sabrina Siani was a very beautiful Italian horror and exploitation film actress.  Jesus Franco called her one of the worst actresses he ever worked with.  Translation....she never had pre-marital sex with him.  Ms. Siani not only worked in Europe, but also made an action flick in North Korea (click on this link to see a review of that film Ten Zan ). In 1983's "The Throne of Fire" (Il Trono di Fuoco) she plays a sultry princess clad only in an animal skin bikini, boots, and a large sword.
Princess Valkarin (Siani) is captured by the evil Morak (Harrison Muller, Jr.). Morak is a spawn of Satan and prophecy dictates that if he kills the king, marries the Princess on an eclipse, he will rule the world.  Of course, the Princess refuses to marry him, so he kills her people and tries to break her will.  Not all is as hopeless as it seems, as the handsome warrior Siegfried (Pietro Torrisi) sets off to rescue her and kill Morak.  Siegfried has lots of shiny muscles but is dumber than a bag of lug-nuts. His heart is in the right place, but he keeps getting the Princess re-captured.
Realizing that her Prince Charming has an empty attic, Valkarin takes matters into her own hands. As she tells Siegfried, "...a girl has weapons no man has."  Using her sex-appeal, our beauty escapes...but wouldn't you know it...she needs to rescue her dimwit rescuer.  This won't be hard to believe, but Morak is smarter than both of our protagonists and has set a trap for them.  If successful, Valkarin will be forced to marry him and our hunk-with-no-brain will assume room temperature.
Can Valkarin's weapons of womanhood and a really big sword overcome Marok's quest? If successful, will Valkarin marry the dolt Siegfried?  Did Ms. Siani's refusal to sleep with ugly and smelly directors and producers cut her career short?  "The Throne of Fire" (directed by Franco Prosperi) is much fun, and Ms. Siani is always a pleasure to watch on the screen.  Available on YouTube, see "The Throne of Fire," a perfect Italian sword and magic exploitation film.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

ARQ, Time Loop got you Down?

Yogi Berra informed us that this was Deja Vu all over again. Like Yogi Berra, films about time loops can be both interesting and annoying.  In this Netflix original film, "ARQ" the Yankee Hall of Famer's maxim will be tested.  Written and directed by Tony Elliott, this terse scifi tale will exercise our minds and leave us trusting no one.
Evil globalist corporation TORUS has destroyed and conquered the world.  Renton (Robbie Amell) designed the ARQ for them.  Uh oh, Renton realizes that TORUS is evil and runs away with his creation.  Double uh oh....the ARQ is able to loop time, which initially comes as a surprise to Renton. The good news for Renton, and there isn't much, time is doing a three hour loop which begins with him waking up to his old GF, Hannah (Rachael Taylor).  The good news ends here. Shortly after waking next to this beautiful woman the home invasion occurs.
The invaders? They may be The ill equipped group of rebels bent on stopping TORUS. Or maybe they are someone else.  Advantage Renton, as he remembers the past loops and can correct his mistakes every three hours.  The learning curve for Renton is a steep one, and some of the revelations he uncovers will be painful.  Man should not be alone and eventually Hannah begins remembering. Now our duo seeks to turn the table on the evil forces.  As the loops continue, Hannah and Renton will have some difficult decisions to make which could have fatal consequences.
Ms. Taylor and Mr. Amell are fantastic, and we pray that neither one of them ends up being a villain. In these types of tales with so many twists, this is always a possibility.  The story is fast paced and contains a deep and ominous ending.  Kudos to Netflix for creating a rather good science fiction tale.

Friday, September 16, 2016

Most Likely to Die, Hunks and Babes fall to Slasher

Sultry, blonde beauty Ashley (Skyler Vallo), clad in black high heals and shiny role-playing lingerie is chased through the wilderness by a psycho. Her fate will be most gruesome.  If that opening scene appeals to you....well, 2015's "Most Likely to Die" is a film for you. A classic 1980s slasher film made last happy the genre lives on.  Directed by Anthony DiBlasi, and starring some great looking peeps, this film is so therapeutic especially since the NFL bore-fest of a season has begun.
10 years after high school graduation, a group of friends meet at Ray's (Jason Tobias) mountain mansion. Ashley arrived early for a gratuitous strip scene and some pre-marital sex.  We already know what happens to this babe, but how about Ray? The friends arrive but Ray is nowhere to be found. The creepy caretaker Tarkin (Jake Busey) drools over our cast.  Pretty Gaby (Heather Morris) is upset that her old BF, Brad (Ryan Doom) is on his way.  Oh yeah, Brad is bringing his new supermodel GF, Bella (Tatum Miranda).  Bella likes to put on and take off her bikini for Tarkin....can you guess her eventual fate?
Let's speed by one, the guests assume room-temperature.  Simone (Marci Miller) will get it in gory fashion after some spirited pre-marital sex with Lamont (Johnny Ramey), and Tarkin will get it after he spies Bella stripping.  Now the friends realize that they are trapped with a killer and one of them is the killer.  Who to trust? Gaby, with her poker skills, emerges as the most likely to figure out who the killer is, but she better hurry. As throats are cut and supermodels are decapitated, our fiend seems to be unstoppable.
Bella the Supermodel
Perhaps not entirely original, but still lots of fun, "Most Likely to Die" can brag of a very attractive cast and some really neat kills. Yeah, there is an obligatory backstory that fills in a lot of blanks, but I won't elaborate on it.  So as the NFL puts lots of Americans to sleep, enjoy a crisp and fast moving slasher film. "Most Likely to Die" is available on Netflix.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

The Dead Room, Things that go Bump in New Zealand

Our feature today can best be described as "The Legend of Hell House-Lite." Instead of two world renown mediums, our film has one pseudo-Goth medium wannabe. Instead of a well financed scientist, and his babe wife, we have a frumpy, salt-of-the-earth science guy. Instead if a cavernous mansion...we have a junky, one step up from redneck hovel, house. Oh yeah....the secret room behind the walls? You'll see. From New Zealand, 2015's "The Dead Room."
A trio of paranormal investigators descend on a house in rural New Zealand. The family which occupied this place ran out suddenly one night vowing never to return.  Apparently ghosts made the home unlivable.  Scott (Jeffrey Thomas) is kind of a scientist who believes all hauntings can be explained scientifically. He has a theory which he is eager to try.  Noise displacement....yeah, that'll work.  Joining him is the technical guy, and true believer, Liam (Jed Brophy), and a young lady who can sense spirits, Holly (Laura Peterson).
Very little is shared with us regarding any backstory, and the investigation starts off slowly.  Every night at 3am,  something weird happens.  Each succeeding evening, this weird event gets more dramatic. Eventually our spirit is able to throw furniture and hedge clippers.  Just as our trio is ready to run away in horror, Scott decides to get rid of the spirit using his noise displacement theory, though Holly is skeptical.  Uh oh, some late and morbid discoveries change the game plan. What our trio find puts them all in mortal danger.
As the film progresses, more and more similarities are revealed to our classic haunted house epic, "The Legend of Hell House." What will prevail, science or the paranormal?  Will they even prevail. What is the awful secret behind the walls of this dilapidated house?  The final 15 minutes will be a wild ride and cause you to revisit the 1973 classic by clicking on this link Hell House . Directed by Jason Stutter, "The Dead Room" is a neat ghost tale and available on Netflix.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Literature Review #18: Black Devil Spine

Shortly after we meet our enigmatic antagonist, Martin Springer, we learn that he has an operating room in his mansion.  Given that Springer isn't a surgeon, us horror fans cringe momentarily and quickly put the thought out of our mind. The horror that could be inflicted with that plot device could be so extreme...well...some horror avenues are best unexplored.  Warning....Doug Brunell isn't worried about limits or steering clear of uncharted taboo.  Black Devil Spine is the most intense and graphic horror novel you will ever read.  Hardcore fans of the genre will never forget this story, and even they will cringe and beg for mercy (the mercy that will never come).
Dan Gere is a hero.  His best selling book, which has just been made into a motion picture, chronicles his investigation into finding an abducted 15 year old girl.  The girl was kidnapped by a pedophile who used her for so many unimaginable horrors.  Gere finds her, rescues her, and assists in the capture of the pedophile.  Writer's block is preventing Gere from beginning his next book.  Then he meets the mysterious artist, Martin Springer.  Even before they meet, Springer's art, which blur the line between erotica and porn, seems to have a spell on Gere.  Uh oh, Gere may not be emotionally whole.  His ordeal in the world of pedophiles may have scarred and changed him.  He's about to be tested again.
After what appears to be some cat and mouse play (it is not yet apparent which one is the cat), Springer agrees to allow Gere to write his story.  Quickly Gere is pulled into Springer's world of sexual torture, hyper BDSM, and misogyny.  As the line has already been blurred from erotica to porn, now the line between art and snuff is similarly blurred.  As Springer emerges as a devil who may just be a serial-sexual predator, Gere is seduced.  With an already wounded psyche from the pedophile world, will Gere become the monster that Springer already is?  As we are witness to some gruesome episodes of torture and worse, we tell ourselves, incorrectly, the future scenes could no way be more extreme (you'll be wrong about this). reading Black Devil Spine you will be pulled on a voyage that will have you questioning your own boundaries.
This is the most graphic and grim horror tale you will ever read.  By no means a casual read at the beach, this one will stay with you long after you finish with it, or it finishes with you.  To order this from Amazon click on the following link Black Devil Spine . Kudos to Doug Brunell for his courage in writing this novel, as most horror writers would shy away at the extremes he explored.  Not for the squeamish and faint of heart, if you think you can brave this hardcore horror, give Black Devil Spine a read.