Friday, October 28, 2016

Sorority Slaughterhouse, Evil Clown shreds Coeds

The evil clown scare that has spread through North America and Europe continues to gather steam.  Our fears of these clowns are largely stirred by our over-active imaginations.  Even FBI offices have been compelled to give statements on this mysterious menace.  David DeCoteau, who has brought us a few Puppetmaster films, has crafted a tale of a 12 inch, perverted clown who goes through coeds like crap through a goose.  Today we look at his film, 2016's "Sorority Slaughterhouse."
Whitman (Eric Roberts), a dean of a college, has just been dumped by a sorority sister.  He then blows his own brains out, but his soul jumps into a 12 inch toy clown, crafted by a voodoo priestess (...don't ask).  Dean Whitman, now Bobo the clown, then descends on Delta Pi Sorority for bloody revenge.  Whitman was a pervert, but as a mini clown, his ability to see naked coeds is maximized.  Uh oh, whenever aroused, Bobo turns into a killing machine.  Every coed in this sorority is stunning, and all engage in activities that arouse Bobo, such as making out with hunks, skinny dipping, pre-marital sex, sensual scented baths, and masturbating.
Our coeds are at a huge disadvantage.  Allie (Jessica Morris) is busy with her occult interests.  Fawn (Jean Louise O'Sullivan) is pursuing hunk Marcus (Anthony Caravella).  Nina (Alexia Quinn) is writing a porn/romance novel.  Victoria (Kelli Seymour) is busy being a B@#&H.  Kitty (Brianna Joy Chomer), who is first to go, likes scented baths. The mini-perve then wanders around finding whichever coed is doing something sexually alluring.  Drano, balloons, a vibrator (...actually Bobo himself acts as a very deadly vibrator), knives and ropes all assist our monster in offing the coeds and their hunks.
Which sorority sister had an affair with Whitman?  Will at least the clean cut sister, who refrains from sexual immorality, survive?  Wait, none of them do much refraining.  Is the twelve inch clown a metaphor for something much larger...say the misogynistic flavor of many of our top universities?  Okay, maybe not.  Either way, as Halloween and a massive onslaught of evil clowns approach, "Sorority Slaughterhouse" is the perfect film to watch.  The DVD is reasonably priced, and the cast is great looking, even as corpses.

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Syngenor, The Monster Soldier

The last time this blog featured the beautiful Starr Andreeff, she was raped by a gargoyle creature and killed when the gargoyle spawn exploded out of her belly.  Roger Corman did not, I'm afraid, give her a dignified demise, see my review of The Terror Within .  In 1990's "Syngenor," Mr. Corman was not associated with this production, but fierce gargoyle type creatures still pursue Ms. Andreeff.  Will she emerge from this film with virtue, and unsoiled by creatures?
Norton Cyberdine (NC), a defense contractor, has produced the ultimate weapon to replace humans on the battlefield, the Synthesized Genetic Organism (Syngenor).  An evil, but sultry executive, Paula (Riva Spier) conspires to set one loose on Los Angeles in order to prove they are ready.  This first Syngenor takes apart a couple of skanks and NC's public affairs director before murdering it's creator. When it kills it's creating scientist, his niece Susan (Andreeff) manages to escape the attack. The NC CEO, Carter Brown (David Gale), who is an addict, and quite insane, then plots with Paula to release all the Syngenors.  The lovely Susan teams up with a reporter, Nick (Mitchell Laurance) to find out why her uncle was killed.  These two will fall in love and have pre-marital sex.
As the slimy soldiers of the future wreak havoc on NC personnel, Paula makes a play on Brown for control of of the company.  However scheming and seductive Paula is, she doesn't figure on Brown's growing insanity.  As Susan and Nick penetrate NC space they witness unspeakable horror as the Syngenors shred some pretty young receptionists (including William Shatner's daughter) and the NC security force on their way to the L.A. streets.
Can Nick and Susan stop the fighting machine of the 21st century?  Will a Syngenor also have pre-marital sex with the lovely Susan? What does the femme fatale Paula have in mind for NC, Brown, and the Syngenors? The ending will be a wild one and Brown's decreasing hold on reality will add to the gore and carnage.  Good luck finding "Syngenor," as I had to order the DVD, which was reasonably priced on Amazon.  You'll have to watch the entire film, as I won't tell you if the perky and nubile Susan is impregnated by one of the fiends.

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Literature Review #19: A Catch in Time

Sultry.  Smart.  Elegant.  Drop dead gorgeous.  Tatiana, a Colombian beauty.  From the outset of Christopher Alan Broadstone's novella "A Catch in Time" our mouths are agape with lust for this vixen.  Uh oh, just like Edgar Allan Poe, beautiful women don't fare well in Broadstone works.  Could Tatiana be different?  She is strong of will and independent.  As our tale begins, she is staying at a resort hotel in the Colombian mountains.  Today, that same resort is one of the most haunted sites in South America, perhaps because of stories like this.
Tatiana is escaping.  Her family and impending marriage are now her tormentors.  With her whole future seemingly undone, the horrors of 1938 also converge on her.  World War 2 has yet to begin, but National Socialist horror is sweeping the globe in full force.  Colombia is far enough away to avoid all these horrors.  Wrong!  As Tatiana battles her Catholicism and divine questions about her eternal destination, Hitler's SS devil, Hess, arrives.  We find out the reason for his arrival, but more importantly, Tatiana will now be battling the most evil regime in history.
Poor Tatiana, her dealings with the SS couldn't have gone any worse as our novella progresses.  Then the unthinkable happens.  Perhaps a divine punishment for what she was contemplating, or fate's twisted reminder that no one will escape the evils of the Third Reich, but Tatiana will be tormented by the most evil elements of that horrific and bleak period of world history.  Not just tanks and SS fiends, but the dark recesses of the supernatural have a terrifying torture and torment in store for our heroine.
Will the spirited Tatiana, now with nothing to lose, have any fight left in her bout with darkness? Why has the supernatural teamed up with the Nazis and taken over Tatiana's life?  Oh yes, the horrors that are in store for Tatiana are poignant metaphors for the Nazi atrocities and reign of terror.  Whatever gumption and spite make up our desperate damsel will have to be on display if Tatiana preserves an eternal blessing.  Whether a chance at redemption, or a cruel preview of Hell, Tatiana's predicament is blood curdling.  No more spoilers, but for a horrific read with sensational literary motifs of the Nazi horror, "A Catch in Time" is a novella you must read.  To order this novella click on the following link A Catch in Time

Monday, October 24, 2016

The Bloody Vampire, Germany Invades Mexico

Those of us who have tried it know it isn't worth the trouble.  Sure, enslaving every man and woman on the Earth to obey our every command might seem like a good idea.  In reality, this quest will introduce us to the reality that there are a lot of stupid and annoying people in the world.  However, if you are a vampire, the stupid and annoying can serve as your buffet line while the beautiful women can all share the coffin with you.  This is the quest of the German vampire, Count Frankenhausen. Let us examine, from Mexico, 1962's "The Bloody Vampire" (aka "El Vampiro Sagriento").
After fleeing Europe, Count Frankenhausen (Carlos Agosti), an arrogant vampire with lots of babe vampire brides arrives in Mexico to begin his conquest of the world.  I know, let him have it.  Back to the plot.  Too bad for him, the Count de Cagliastro has also moved his family to Mexico.  Of course, neither of these clans blend.  The mission of the de Cagliastro clan, through centuries, is to rid the world of vampires.  As Frankenhausen goes through Mexican senoritas like crap through a goose, the de Cagliastro team acts.  The beautiful Anna (Begona Palacios) infiltrates the Frankenhausen castle undercover as a servant.  Because she is so pretty, Frankenhausen desires her for his bride.  Her fiance, a doctor named Riccardo (Raul Farell) also infiltrates the castle, undercover as the Countess' personal doctor.
As Count Valsamo de Caglistro (Antonio Raxel), the patriarch of his clan, experiments with herbs and fresh corpses to find something to kill vampires, Anna and Riccardo continue their efforts inside the fiend's mansion.  With only traditional means of vampire hunting, are our lovebirds any match for for Frankenhausen and his allies?  As Mexican beauties are drained of blood at an alarming rate, will the good folks of that great country turn xenophobic against more immigration from Germany?  Did this 1962 film have a hand in all but ending any German immigration into Mexico?
In this short write-up, many key characters and subplots were ignored.  This film has so many other creepy elements that were omitted here in the interest of space.  Grave robbing, a mad scientist type lab, a torture chamber with gruesome happenings, ghostly images of a surreal Mexico are all included in this film.  Once again, our Mexican amigos have made an outstanding vampire film, "El Vampiro Sangriento," (directed by Miguel Morayta) which is available on YouTube.

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Zeder, Pet Sematary Italian Style

Hundreds of millions of people die each year.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could bring them all back?  Okay, maybe not.  Whenever the dead return, carnage follows.  Still, we have to love all those scientists, who without government grants, figure out ways to bring back our dearly departed. In 1983's "Zeder" (aka "Revenge of the Dead") a scientific team joins forces with some fallen clergy and academia to do just that.
Stafano (Gabriele Lavia), a writer and first class schmuck gets an anniversary gift from his lovely wife, Alessandra (Anne Canovas).  Alessandra is beautiful and pure, and since this is an Italian horror film, has "I WILL DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH" emanating from her every movement. An electric typewriter.....used (they are on a tight budget).  Stefano quickly needs to replace the ribbon and examines the words typed from the old ribbon.  Wouldn't you know it...the typewriter's previous owner wrote a lot about bringing back the dead and certain grounds that were fertile for doing this.  Now Stefano has inspiration for his new book and begins investigating....big mistake.  He traces the typewriter to a defrocked priest, who appears to be deceased.  His investigations captures the attention of some very weird people.
Stefano finds out that experiments in 1956 by Paolo Zeder reveal that certain K-Zones exist which are special places in Europe where corpses can return to life.  Stefano grabs the naive, and stunning Alessandra and heads to Chartres, France to the place where these 1956 experiments took place. Uh oh, the experiments did not end in 1956 and the scientists don't want anyone snooping on them.  As ghouls come to life in a homicidal fashion, Stefano gets too close for his own good.  Science meets the occult and what happens next will make Stefano wish his wife gave him a necktie for their anniversary.
Will the gorgeous and nubile Alessandra survive her husband's demented curiosity?  Sadly, that question is an easy one to answer.  Is Paolo Zeder dead?  To what end is our team of scientists and weirdos bringing back the dead?  Fans of Stephen King's Pet Sematary will figure out where this one is going.  For some ominous and grim Italian horror, directed by Pupi Avati, see "Zeder" which is available on YouTube as "Revenge of the Dead."

Thursday, October 20, 2016

The Four Skulls of Jonathan Drake, The Art of Headhunting

In today's technology age, we have lost so many valuable skills.  Head shrinking is just one of those lost necessities.  Sure, we can send nude pictures of ourselves to Asia, instantly....but we no longer have the ability to decapitate old friends, shrink their heads, and display those trophies on our bookshelves. Perhaps a revival of 1959's "The Four Skulls of Jonathan Drake" will help us recapture that art.
Jonathan Drake (Eduard Franz) has a problem. Generations ago, Amazonian Indians cursed his family.  Every male heir would die at the age of 60. Not just die, paralyzed by curare poison and then decapitated. But wait, there's more! The skulls would be sent back to the family and the remnants of their heads would be shrunken trophies.  Uh oh...Drake's brother dies as the film opens, and this fate plays out.  Double uh oh...Drake is about to turn 60.  Enter the weird archaeologist, Dr. Emil Zurich (Henry Daniell), who just happens to be the world's most renown expert on shrinking heads.
As Drake quakes in fear, his beautiful daughter, Alison (Valerie French) teams up with Detective Rowan (Grant Richards) to get to the bottom of the theft of the brother's head.  As an ultra weird Amazonian Indian (Paul Wexler) stalks Jonathan, Det. Rowan makes some startling discoveries about the family curse and Dr. Zurich. We are treated to some graphic scenes in which Dr. Zurich takes us through the process of creating shrunken he related to the curse?
Will Jonathan succumb to a centuries old curse?  Will the fair Alison be in peril as she attempts to solve the mystery of the stolen corpse heads, and save her dad? What is Dr. Zurich's relationship to the curse, and is he working with immortal Amazonians?  Directed by Edward L. Cahn, this is a neat mystery/thriller which will have you wincing. There'll be plenty of decapitations and head-shrink-ology in this one.  Available on YouTube, don't lose your head over "The Four Skulls of Jonathan Drake."

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Fatal Pulse, A Sorority's Bloody Demise

At AOK sorority, not all is a-okay.  True, we will not find a sorority with better looking coeds, but by the end of 1988's "Fatal Pulse" most of them will be corpses.  The demise of sorority sisters is a popular theme on this blog.  Not even the caped Captain Marvelous can save some pretty young ladies (you won't believe this plot twist).  In fairness, these ladies exhibit serious judgment issues beyond engaging in pre-marital sex, and our slasher has an easy time of his pursuit.
The sultry, white lingerie clad Stephanie's(Kitty) attempt to seduce Jeff (Ken Roberts) is rejected, as he wants his ex-GF back.  Our seductress is then strangled with her own silk stocking and her dead body is raped.  So our film opens.  Jeff, who is creepy, is our main suspect.  Lisa (Michelle McCormick), who is a beauty, is the ex-GF.  Stephanie's demise has all the gals at AOK a bit tense, but not too tense.  Carol (Sky Nicholas) will be the next to fall, as her throat is cut by the shard of a record. As Jeff continues to emerge as either a homicidal psycho, or at least a full fledged creep, Lisa takes him back and they engage in pre-marital sex.  Then Sheila (Maureen O'Hanlon) is drowned in the AOK bathtub.
There are other suspects; Ernie (Joe Estevez), the weird AOK maintenance man, who loves to spy on the coeds through their bedroom windows, seems to be the best bet.  Then of course Professor Caldwell (Alex Courtney) who may not have recaptured his sanity after his wife's death seems a likely possibility.  Then Cassie (Cindra Hidgdon) is electrocuted as she is stripped and hung in a shower by our fiend.  Jeff, knowing he is the prime suspect, begins an attempt to catch the killer.  His plans for this are silly and usually end in embarrassment.  As Karen (Christy Mucciante) is grabbed, stripped, and encased in a plaster cast, AOK may run out of coeds before our monster is found.
Will Jeff or the police catch the killer before Lisa is skewered?  Even if Jeff isn't the killer, will the makers of "Fatal Pulse" do us a favor and kill him off?  Does Captain Marvelous' appearance enhance the plot or detract from the serious nature of a vicious slasher film?  Yep, the beautiful die horribly and the handsome hunks show their stupidity in this film.  Available in VHS tape quality on YouTube, "Fatal Pulse" is a slasher film that, at very least, has some great kills and a great looking queue of lady victims.